If you're viewing this post, it's probably because Jenny @Mama Needs Coffee sent you here. She shamed me into writing a new post because it's been silent over here for quite a few (read: several) months.
Well, I am happy to say that I'm planning my wedding to the most wonderful man I've ever had the pleasure of dating and now being engaged to! So, that's taken up a bit of time, but also made me realize a few things.
1. The only thing that scares me more than being a wife is being a mom. And the only thing that terrifies me more than either one of those is staying single the rest of my life and slowly growing more and more selfish every single day.
Is this to say that single people, by their very nature, are selfish? No, but I am. The more time I spend with my nieces and nephews, my rockstar sisters and their amazing husbands, my parents, my future brother and sister-in-law, etc. the more I realize at least part of the reason God has called me and my fiance to this vocation: to love others more than I love myself and in doing so, love God more than myself and others.
2. Being engaged is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I know that being married and being a parent will be infinitely more difficult in ways I can't even fathom right now, but I've never experienced this level of waiting and planning (I mostly hate making decisions) in my life. It's like waiting for Christmas, graduation, your birthday, a great concert and a vacation (things that are awesome) while also having to make small talk, watch grass grow and schedule doctors appointments all the time (things that are tedious).
Again, I'm certain I'll read this in a few years and laugh at how difficult I thought this was. However, I've begun to realize that this time is not so much about waiting as it is preparation and purification.
3. The more you love, the less you fear.
Let me tell you something, I'm an anxiety addict. But when I met this incredibly kind and dashingly handsome man who wanted to hang out with me all the time (!!!), God slowly drew that fear out of my heart and basically left me with two options. "OK Hillary, you can keep worrying about every little detail and never put your faith in Me or you can let go and actually believe that I am trying to give you even more than you could have ever even dared to pray for."
Ingrid Michaelson comes to mind as I slowly learn to choose the latter everyday:
Well, I am happy to say that I'm planning my wedding to the most wonderful man I've ever had the pleasure of dating and now being engaged to! So, that's taken up a bit of time, but also made me realize a few things.
1. The only thing that scares me more than being a wife is being a mom. And the only thing that terrifies me more than either one of those is staying single the rest of my life and slowly growing more and more selfish every single day.
Is this to say that single people, by their very nature, are selfish? No, but I am. The more time I spend with my nieces and nephews, my rockstar sisters and their amazing husbands, my parents, my future brother and sister-in-law, etc. the more I realize at least part of the reason God has called me and my fiance to this vocation: to love others more than I love myself and in doing so, love God more than myself and others.
2. Being engaged is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I know that being married and being a parent will be infinitely more difficult in ways I can't even fathom right now, but I've never experienced this level of waiting and planning (I mostly hate making decisions) in my life. It's like waiting for Christmas, graduation, your birthday, a great concert and a vacation (things that are awesome) while also having to make small talk, watch grass grow and schedule doctors appointments all the time (things that are tedious).
Again, I'm certain I'll read this in a few years and laugh at how difficult I thought this was. However, I've begun to realize that this time is not so much about waiting as it is preparation and purification.
3. The more you love, the less you fear.
Let me tell you something, I'm an anxiety addict. But when I met this incredibly kind and dashingly handsome man who wanted to hang out with me all the time (!!!), God slowly drew that fear out of my heart and basically left me with two options. "OK Hillary, you can keep worrying about every little detail and never put your faith in Me or you can let go and actually believe that I am trying to give you even more than you could have ever even dared to pray for."
Ingrid Michaelson comes to mind as I slowly learn to choose the latter everyday:
Happy, Jenny?
It's about damn time.
ReplyDeleteReally, though, I was glad to see you and meet Ted. It was fun to catch up a bit! Good luck with the wedding planning, and try to enjoy it as much as you can!
Hahahaha. I think if I'd been drinking water, I would have sprayed it all over the computer when I read that first line.
DeleteIt was great to be able to see you too! I just can't get over how big Grace is! :)
Thanks! I did come over here and thought I thought I followed her blog but I have not been here in a really long time. wonder why? Congratulations on your engagement! Please post more! I'd love to read it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Elizabeth! I'm glad you enjoy the blog :)
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