Reality check

My trip to India has totally, for lack of a better term, screwed me up. As I've been processing for a few days, I've been faced not only with the scope of this issue, but also with my own inadequacy in covering it.

Let's face it, this issue has been ingrained in an ancient culture for centuries and I have been a writer for barely six months. To top it off, I am a total foreigner and was totally unaware of most of the issue until about a week and a half ago.

Who am I, a privileged white girl from the American suburbs, to try to tackle such a monumental issue that has shaped an entire people for thousands of years?

As I was transcribing an interview from the trip, I began crying over my keyboard because phrases like "modern day slavery" and "240 million people" were no longer abstractions, but faces and souls.

To make matters worse, I looked up the stories that one of the people on the trip, a senior international correspondent for a major Christian network, completed while over there and was faced with the total lack of skill and experience that I am bringing to this issue.

I felt ashamed by my enthusiasm that I had immediately upon returning to the States because it vastly outweighs my skill in covering such stories. Now, simply because I spent 8 days in a country and have a wristband that reads "Free the Dalit" I am some sort of crusader for the downtrodden and oppressed? What exactly can my minuscule efforts do to change that? And what about all the other people in the world who face oppression and persecution?

Even still, with all my insecurities out on the table, I'm thinking of a conversation I had with a fellow journalist during our last night in Mumbai.

He's in a similar situation as me, only having 1 year experience as a writer. We decided that yes, we are both intensely unequipped to cover such stories, especially compared to those on our trip who have 20 years or more of experience. But, at the same time, we have seen something that the majority of the world has not and we must bring attention to it, even if it's not in the most eloquent or concise way. 

Free the Dalit

So why, you may wonder, did I even go over to India in the first place?

Anyone remotely familiar with Mother Teresa's work is probably aware of the caste system in Hinduism and India. Basically, it's the organization of different groups of people in India. Hindu teaching holds that people come from different parts of a primordial being to make up one body. The main castes, or varnas, are the Brahmins (priests and teachers born from the mouth), Kshatriya (rulers and soldiers born from the arms), Vaisyas (merchants and traders born from the thighs) and Shudras (laborers born from the feet). Each varna is further divided within itself, forming a sub-caste system within a system. 


After all that comes the Untouchables (or the Dalits, as they have begun to call themselves in recent years), who are considered too defiled to even make up a part of the caste system. There are an estimated 250 million Dalits in India. 


They are out-castes in the truest sense of the word.


Despite their status of being "untouchable," Dalit women are often victims to human trafficking. Because they have no skills and no rights, they are made to be prostitutes, often times at a very young age. An estimated 25-100 million people are involved in human trafficking in India, estimates vary so much because many cases are unreported making it difficult to determine just how many are involved.


Within the last 50 years, a movement among the Untouchables has began to organize to eradicate the subjugation of their people. They have begun to call themselves the Dalits (the crushed, or oppressed).

One particular group that is leading the way in this movement is the Dalit Freedom Network who seek to prevent child trafficking through education.
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Friends Church in Yorba Linda, Calif. put the trip together to bring awareness to the situation in India and the work they've been doing to prevent children from falling victim to the system through education. We toured the schools and slums and met the leaders of the Dalit Freedom Network in India. All I can say now is that what these people are doing in revolutionary. It truly is undermining an entire social and religious structure that has been in place for thousands of years. Pray for them all, they need it.

India Debriefing

Where do I even begin? I just spent 8 days in the most beautiful, dirty, crowded, poverty-stricken, engaging place I've ever seen and I loved it. I wish I had known more about the country before going in, but even still, there is no way to know India without seeing, touching, tasting, hearing and feeling it.

Before going over, I was expecting to say that India attacks all your senses. Because of what I've heard about the pollution, crowds and traffic, I thought that there was just so much going on that there would be no way for me to process it all. While that is certainly true, I think a better way of putting it would be that India engages all your senses (and emotions, for that matter). There is so much going on that there's no way to experience it all in just a few days. What I saw was just the surface of a country teeming with life (and sorrow, joy, love and hatred). India took a piece of my heart when I first stepped out of the airport in Hyderabad and would not give it back when I boarded the plane in Mumbai.

I pray that I will be able to return soon and spend more time there for work (CNA definitely needs an India office ... obviously the rookie white girl would be the best person to make that happen) or for marriage (I am now convinced that I will marry an Indian man ... more to come on that later).

So, these next few posts will serve as an overflow of what won't make it into my news stories. Hopefully this little bit of information will help you fall in love with this beautiful country that so desperately needs our help.

All the single ladies

Ok, ok. I know I said I'd be better about keeping current with this blog (wait, I didn't say that? Well, I thought it and that's basically the same thing to me -- just ask anyone who tries to text me). Anywho, I'm using the excuse that I just moved into a new house (read: duplex with a massive basement and even massiver garage) and have not set up internet yet.

However, I do have a few thoughts that I believe are worthy of your perusal.

I am not ok with being single.

There, I said it. Now, before you go rolling your eyes and thinking that I'm trying to turn this blog into a listing for CatholicMatch.com, let me explain.

Singlehood is not my vocation. Yes yes, I know that there are beautiful consecrated virgins, but I'm talking about this whole phase of perpetual adolescence that our generation seems to be obsessed with, well, perpetuating.

This revelation was brought on by a conversation with a friend of mine who mentioned that she had a friend who made a similar statement and I realized, hey, me too!

Don't get me wrong. I love getting to stay up drinking and talking with friends, being able to make last minute plans without having to consult anyone, spending my money on clothes I don't really need, going to the gym whenever I feel like it and not having to check with anyone when my boss asks me if I want to go to India.

But, I wonder, is this helping me become a better version of my self?

Maybe a physically stronger fitter, more stylish, better-traveled and more worldly version, yes. But a more selfless, patient, loyal, compassionate, humble, loving and nurturing version? Meh, not so much.

Enter, Marriage: otherwise known as the Gauntlet of Self-Sacrifice or the Marathon of Humility and Patience. Every single day is a challenge to die to yourself in ways you never even thought possible.

Now, I realize that I can also be more aware of the sacrifices God is calling me to make already. Don't cuss out that driver for cutting you off, try to be more pleasant and courteous to co-workers, accept humiliation and misjudging happily, etc. But, dang girl, there ain't nothing like hanging out with my little nephews for a few hours to give me a dose of the kind of holy stamina that is required to be a mother and wife.

Does this mean that I am going to go off on a Husband Hunt and will fling myself at the first male I see with a Miraculous medal hanging around his neck?

No. (But I might walk by a couple times to check if he has a wedding ring on, at least.)

What it does mean is that we single folks need to remember that this stage of arrested development is not our vocation. You don't see men who know they are called to be priests just hang around churches hoping they'll somehow miraculously be turned into a priest. Women who are called to be sisters or nuns don't just hang around convents until a habit mysteriously appears on their heads.

They study, prepare, and pray to transform their lives to be made ready for their calling of a life of devotion to the Church.

I don't know exactly what this kind of preparation would look like for a single person, but marriage prep is not confined to the engagement period or even in dating.

Everyday we can choose to become more like the spouse we'd like to one day marry instead of just accepting singlehood as our destined lot in life.

I'm going to be honest folks, I have no prospects, but instead of going all Charlotte Lucas on a dude, I can have hope that the right man will come along eventually if we're both seeking God's will.

 And in the meantime, we can try and be even cooler people for the one we've yet to meet.

India on my mind

About a week and a half ago, my boss called me into his office to chat.

"Hill, you want to go to India?"

"Hahaha. Yes." (Trying my best to laugh at his cruel sarcasm).

"Ok, great. I'll put you in touch with the people who invited me."

Wait, what?

Turns out a PR group invited my boss for a press tour of India for an upcoming film, Not Today, to be released next summer.

He's going to be out of the country already and everyone else has been on assignments this year, so that means I get to go to India to visit the slums of Bangalore, Hyderabad and Mumbai as well as the schools that have built to keep kids from being sold into human-trafficking.

I've always wanted to visit India, but never gave it any thought because I could never figure out how I would even begin to plan visiting there. Now however, God is giving me the awesome opportunity to meet people that I would never in my life have the opportunity to meet otherwise and experience a culture that is entirely its own.

I must admit, I am terrified about the crowds and poverty that I will see. I've been reading a book by an American woman who just decided to live with Mother Teresa's order, the Missionaries of Charity, for a month while she was in college in the 80s. Before leaving for India her prayer was something along the lines of, "Lord, help me to be attracted to the poor and deformed and not repulsed by them."

I love that because it is so honest. Our natural inclination is to turn away from deformation and suffering and to love the afflicted from afar, perhaps with a silent prayer or donation to a charity. While in India, I know I will be exposed to the most extreme poverty that I will ever see in my life. I pray that I will be able to see Christ in them and that they may see him in me.

Although the movie is made by an evangelical church, I'm going to try and sneak in all the Catholic content I can. My co-worker suggested that I just tell the group I have to get to daily mass everyday and bring my video equipment and interview all the Catholics I meet at the church. Brilliant!
 

My biggest hope is that I'll meet some Missionaries of Charity while I'm over there. If I do, I will probably ask for their autographs and just want hang out with them for the entire trip. This only confirms my family's suspicions they will receive a collect call from an Indian payphone from me saying I've joined the MCs and am never coming home. I told them I'd prefer to marry a 6'2" Indian man and live as family missionaries, but I don't think that's likely either.

Sometimes I just have to think

Who knew blogging could be so daunting? All you have to do is sit down, write anything down and hit 'publish.'

Not so simple for a perfectionist.

Although it may seem like I've been silent for these past few weeks, I have been thoroughly racking my brain for ideas and trying to come up with the next great post. I even have pages and pages of new posts in my notebook that just somehow never made it up here.

Because that is how perfectionists work. We get caught up in an endless train of what-ifs, maybes, and not good enoughs to the point where nothing gets done.

I realized that this rut I've fallen into in my blog-life is eerily similar to patterns in my real life.

So, for example, when I realize I need to make changes in my spiritual life, I just sit and think, "Well, if I were better, I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place so first I have to fix it and then go to God."

Or when I realize I still have a hard time meeting new people, rather than reaching out to acquaintances in order to establish actual relationships with people I think, "Well, if I weren't so shy, I wouldn't have to make an effort, it would just happen naturally so I have to fix that first."

And then the "fix that first" part turns into "I don't even know where to begin."

Thankfully, a priest recently reassured me, "God favors humility over perfection" and I'm beginning to (slowly) realize how true that really is.

The way that I'm beginning to see it is if God wanted us to be perfect all the time, he wouldn't have given us free will. We could have just been made to love God and only God. But that wouldn't be true love at all. While that is what we are hardwired to do, it still isn't what we always choose. Nonetheless, God trusted us with that choice when he created man (and still does, over and over and over again).

So I guess that the point of this whole sloppy rant is, I will never be perfect by my own means. This dinky blog will never be perfect, I will never be a super-extrovert (which for some odd reason equals perfection in my mind, I just realized), but God still loves me and he rejoices in the true humility it takes to return to him when I stumble.

Stay tuned: More about my upcoming trip to India, how I offend perfect strangers and why single women are single.